4/23 My Neighbor, Joe

Last Saturday morning I was awakened from a disturbing dream at 8 a.m. by the tinny blast of "Fat-Bottomed Girls" from my cell phone, which was on my night stand. It was my buddy, and coworker, James, asking if I was still coming to work, and if so, could I stop and pick up breakfast burritos, for him and Steve, another coworker, from a taco shop in my neighborhood. I said I would, made old-man noise as I got out of bed, put on some jeans that happened to be where I left them, found a clean t-shirt, brushed my teeth, grabbed my work bag and went to my car...

This isn't the story I wanted to tell, but it explains why I was napping at 3:30 on a Saturday afternoon when someone rapped on my metal security screen. Since I was tired, unexpectedly napping, and I knew it'd be my chatty neighbor, Joe, I didn't answer it. We have a secure building (eliminating the chance of pop-ins) and nobody but Joe has ever rattled my black, iron gate. But then the rapper rapped again, I knew Joe wouldn't shake my gate twice unless he needed something so I rolled off the couch and answered the door. Normally, Joe would be a good 12 to 15 feet from the door by the time I answered it. He says it's in case I come out shooting. But this afternoon he was right there, on the opposite end of my "welcome" mat. He had a VHS tape in his hand. He asked me if I knew how to re-spool a VHS tape on which the tape has broken and disappeared into the cassette housing. He said he'd already asked our crusty and slightly intense neighbor. I told him I didn't know how to fix his tape, and that I was sorry. Joe said "I really wanna watch this tape right now." He said he'd let me get back to nappin' - he saw that my throw blanket was on the couch, and then turned the tape so I could read the title before he went back into his place - "Tush Ups."